R.I.P

The driving in Libya is shocking, as are the attitudes to safety and the conditions of most of the cars. It's no wonder there are so many accidents here and I'm used to seeing cars pulled over on perfectly straight roads, with two drivers standing nose to nose, gesticulating wildly and shouting at each other as they stand ankle deep in broken glass and plastic.
I'm also used to seeing children standing on back seats or sitting out of car windows or seeing babies sitting on the driver's lap. I've seen cars go the wrong way around roundabouts, straddle the central reservation and drive against oncoming traffic and do u-turns on a dual carriageway and drive against the traffic on the slip road. I've seen all of that in the last two days.

Today is the first time I've seen someone get killed.
I saw something like a doll in the road and an on coming car swerving, trying to avoid the car in front that had braked. He missed the car. He went right over the girl that the car in front had just hit. As I passed, I saw the bright, stripey jumper and the dark curly hair of a girl aged about 6-8. I pulled over some way ahead and tried to decide what to do. She had to be dead, so my limited first aid knowledge wasn't going to be of help. A large group of men was gathering and more cars were stopping. I decided that this wasn't the best place to be a white guy who could easily become the stooge when the police finally arrived. So I  drove off.
I don't feel guilty, as there was nothing I could have done, apart from get into trouble. I just keep seeing the car swerving and going over the girl, then seeing her body in the road. And I know that tomorrow and every day, I'll be facing the same idiots on the road.

Toilet Humour

There is often speculation amongst expats as to why Libyans drive so fast and so dangerously. Why are they in such a hurry to go somewhere and do nothing ? All they seem to be doing is standing around, smoking, chatting to their buddies and drinking awful coffee out of small paper cups on street corners. Today, I may have found the answer.

I was just beginning my drive home tonight when I got a sense of an impending eruption from within. Although my office was closer, it would have required a lot of faffing with U-turns and traffic jams. I decided to make a run for it - in the mornings  my commute is about 20-25 mins, in the evenings it can be 25-30 mins.This evening I think I recorded a sub 15 minute trip. I am ashamed to say I used every trick I've learned in my 2.5yrs of driving here. Undertaking, overtaking, driving in the middle to block others, tail gating, cutting people up, being (seemingly) oblivious to all other road users. The only difference between me and the other nutters on the road was at least I was using my mirrors before swerving erratically to gain a 1m advantage on the other road abusers. With much relief, I made it back home and won't have to have the car fumigated.

Tomorrow I promise to balance the road karma and let people pull out in front of me, not beep the horn at traffic lights 2 secs before red turns to green, not exchange cultural hand signals with the taxi tail gating me at 120kph and I will let pedestrians across the road. As long as they don't dawdle.

Every cloud...

Two and a half hours is how long it took me to drive to work yesterday. Normally it takes just twenty minutes.

We'd had some rain during the night, which has the same effect on the Libyan transport system as half an inch of snow does on the UK's. To be fair, it was alot of rain, a huge amount in a short period of time, even some hail and a superb thunderstorm. This combined with the fact that all of the drains are full of sand, means large lakes appear everywhere and the place grinds to a halt.

The Roundabout of Death Claims 2 More Victims

A local roundabout, known as 'The Roundabout of Death' always gathers a bit of water and yesterday it was resembling a boating lake. The poorly though out road design means that all traffic coming into town has to go through this point, rather than over it, combine this with the Libyan attitude of 'if none of the lanes are moving, make another one' and no one goes anywhere. The traffic jam was made worse by the fact that loads of Libyans had decided to stop their cars right next to the roundabout to look at the water and blocking one of the lanes of the highway.

Luckily I had a magazine to read while I sat there for two hours, unfortunately I had no empty water bottle available to make myself more comfortable.

Despite the inconvenience of getting to work late and having to sit in the car for much longer than my bladder wanted, it was absolutely worth every second. One truck driver had decided to try and cross the central reservation to escape the gridlock and had succeeded in totally seesawing himself, all 4 wheels clear off the ground. It was a classic piece of Libyan bloody mindedness and made my day. If only I'd got a photo.

United Nations

I frequent an on line Expat Forum, not surprisingly the Libya section. It can be a useful place to get the latest information such as what the police are stopping expats for this week or to give incoming expats help with visa requirements or where to live etc. However a lot of pointless and petty arguments kick off that invariably end up in expat Vs Libyan battles with biased and ignorant comments from both sides. It gets a bit boring and causes the moderators of the site no end of grief. They've even received threats from irate locals whenever religion is touched on! 

I posted the following thread under the title: How arguments start on the forum to poke a bit of fun at both sides and the various types of people that get involved. 

Guide: Moel is a half Libyan/American guy who although proud of his Libyan heritage, was brought up in the states and misses his home comforts.

Julien is the owner of the site who ends up closing arguments and banning people.

A schawarma is a type of kebab and is just a metaphor for anything expats complain about.

How Arguments Start  On The Forum

Expat1 "I bought a schawarma today for lunch, it was the worst I've ever had"

Expat2 "I agree, the schawarmas here are terrible! Can't wait to go home and get a good schawarma. LOL"

Local1 "Sorry, you didn't enjoy your schawarma, but if you goto my friend's cafe, you will get the best schawarma. Not all schawarma's here are bad"

Moderator "This post should be in the Classifieds section"

Expat1 "Thanks Local1, will try it out "

Local2 "The schawarma's here are better than in your country. If you don't like them, leave"

Expat3 "All schawarma's are bad. Can't believe you can't get Tacos here "

Local3 "The schawarma was probably made by a non-Local, Local schawarmas are the best. We don't like non-locals who can't make schawarmas"

Local2 "You want Taco ? Go home and eat Taco. I ate Taco once in your country and I was ill. And so was my dog that I gave it to when I couldn't finish it. Even rats wouldn't eat your taco"

Expat3 "You sound like the dumb local did in the schawarma shop when I asked for a taco. As long as your country fails to provide meat filled snacks from two different countries, it will never be anything"

Local4 "My friend told me about this forum, so I've joined to make 1 post and to be indignant about the way Expats talk about our schawarma. I will never post again, so don't worry"

Moel "I prefer smoked salmon, cream cheese and fresh basil on a bagel"

Local2 "Mo, we know you don't like Local food, you like US food. Why do you have to always go on about it ?"

Former Expat1 "I'm glad I now live in <<another country>> where there are a plethora of meat filled snacks. I will keep reminding you of this at every opportunity"

Expat55(Expat2 pseudonym)"I'm going for schawarma tonight with my friend, anyone care to join us ?"

Local4 "OK, I'll make 2 posts, then leave. I'm going to tell all my friends to come here and slag off the meat filled snacks in your countries"

Julien "Please, no more food topics"

6 months later

Newuser1 "Hi, I'm new (and statistically, Canadian) where can I get a good schawarma ?"

and go back to the top....

** apart from the grammar and spelling being much better, I think that's about right **

The Daily Male

In the two years that I've enjoyed being a guest of the Colonel, I've seen various nationalities suffer from the results of international relations. The Americans got  punished when some minor diplomat criticised The Leader's speech at the United Nations. The Canadians were punished for something to do with demanding a passenger list of The Leader's plane before allowing it to land for refueling  (that's just 1 version of the story I've heard). The Swiss are still feeling the heat for incidents related to the arrest of one of his sons. At one point this year, all countries who are signed up to the Shengen Agreement were hit due to a tit for tat issue over visas. These diplomatic games usually affect the expats in ways related to getting news visas issued in home countries or trying to get back in to Libya with an existing visa. During the Schengen dispute, people returning from vacations were being turned back at immigration, families made up of 1 Schengen nationality and 1 non Schengen  nationality were being split up. One Dutch guy had to abandon his very pregnant, non Schengen, wife in Libya and he was sent back to Amsterdam on the next flight. Meanwhile businesses have to try and function with reduced headcounts, whilst staff rotations are scuppered and visits from overseas personnel are put on hold.

The freeing of Al Megrahi last year, was a god send to us Brits, keeping us out of the firing line for the time being and putting us at the top table, on 'best pal' status. Today's Wikileaks cables shows how close we came to being in the firing line, should  he have died in prison. 

However, since I came here, I  have joked that we're only ever 1 Daily Mail headline away from disaster: Getcher Daily Mail . Doh!

Hopefully he'll hail WikiLeaks as heroes, the US as the enemy and us plucky Brits as innocent bystanders. Or I'd better pack my bags. 

A Sunday Top Five: Top 5 James Bonds

1. George Lazenby. Aside from OHMSS being my favourite Bond film, Lazenby lived the playboy Bond lifestyle. Respect for not selling out to art!

Ding Dong Moneypenny!

2. Daniel Craig. Bond a nasty b@stard? Well he is basically a government salaried hitman. Bourne would still whup him though.

3. Roger Moore. If Leslie Phillips had played Bond, this is how it'd have been.

4. Sean Connery - punch or punchline, you can't have both, ask Steven Segal.

5.Pierce Brosnan. Because there has to be 5 and it can't be Timothy Dalton and I've not seen the original Casino Royale.

Place Your Bets....

For the last week I've not been allowed to drive my company car. Once again the laws have changed and because it's a car with Libyan plates, as opposed to having a blue square and a number designating it as a foreign registered car (20=UK) it means only a Libyan can drive it. Until last week it was enough that I had a letter from the company giving me permission to drive the car, but now the goalposts have moved. To be fair, it is designed to stop private individuals leasing cars to expats and not declaring the income. I'm 100% behind them on this and if I worked for a company that wasn't conforming to the local legislation I'd be suitably non plussed...

So this means I've been relying on Bassim to drive to my house, leave his car at ours & then drive me to the office. So far, 0845hrs has been 0855, 0900 and 0910hrs. At least on Thursday I gave him credit for honesty, ("I overslept"). When he drops me off at night or has left me the car at the office, in the good old days when I was allowed to drive myself, I always (half jokingly) have  asked if he has his keys, phone, cigarettes etc. Invariably he leaves something behind. On Thursday he dropped me at my house and somehow left his house keys outside in the dirt, where my landlord found them. I still have them here.

Anyway, onto the subject of the bet:

I have to go to work tomorrow (Sunday), Bassim has to pick me up from the house, I haven't told him what time to be here. Logically you'd assume it'd be 0845hrs, as that it the normal time to be late for. But it might also be common sense to phone and check what time you're required.

After two years of employing him, I know I need to phone him and tell him what time to be late for.

But I can access my work e mail from home, I have my mobile phone, the boss is away, so let's have some fun rather than get p*ssed off with the never ending muppetry. I've not called him and me & Dear are betting what's going to happen. So join in the fun.

Will he:

a) turn up late, thinking he needs to be here at 0845hrs ?

b) phone from his house, after 9 am. asking where to go ?

c) phone from my office after 10 am. Having forgotten I'm not allowed to drive ?

d) not turn up or call ?

e) be here on time ?

Dear reckons (b), I favour (c).

There'll be no b@llockings or fines this time, I know I should call him as he has zero initiative, but we need to get our fun somehow...

So, place your bets now.

Sheep

It's one week to go until the big Eid holiday, which for expats is 3 days off work (praise Allah that it doesn't fall over a weekend this year!) and sheep get nervous when offered a ride home in a stranger's car. Thousands of sheep have been enjoying life in the country, then one day they're loaded into pick up trucks and get to enjoy the feeling of the wind in their faces as they're raced into town. Once here they stand around in makeshift pens, set up wherever the farmers damn well feel like it. These impromptu markets appear everywhere overnight and last until the final runt of the flock has limped away for a ride home in the back of a taxi or a family's Mazda.

Whilst Christmas typically dictates the devouring of a turkey or other fowl, the difference is that it's not a custom that every family attending a Xmas dinner would bring their own bird with them and slaughter it in the back yard. Sheep aren't cheap and yet it is important that everyone can provide one. As the male of his house, my driver will use pretty much his whole month's salary to buy a sheep , yet with only him, his mum and sister in the house, how long are they going to be munching mutton ? And as they live in an apartment, they will have to keep their sheep on the roof overnight until it's time for it to get the closest shave it'll ever experience. It's not uncommon for the more well off families to buy a cow or buffalo; even camels are reduced to handy steak sized pieces. Budding entrepreneurs set up grind wheels at the side of the roads to sharpen the blades of the once a year butchers.

Luckily, as a vegetarian and an atheist, I'm unlikely to receive any invitations to join in the celebrations. And this year we're escaping to Malta with a bunch of people from the Hash, much better to enjoy an Islamic religious holiday in a non Islamic country. I'll raise a glass to all the sheep.

Driving Miss Crazy

My driver's mum is on holiday. I know this because he has been late to work every day this week, despite the fact we bought him an alarm clock last year. We've tried fining him 5 dinar a day each time he's late, which when you're on 500LYD/month, can soon add up.

I don't ask much of him, there are just 3 rules:

1. Be in the office by 0930hrs

2. Never give me the car back with the out of fuel light on

3. Never let the windscreen washer bottle empty light come on

He has been my driver for 2 years and yet still can't manage these 3 things.  There's always an excuse, how yesterday he 'forgot' the fuel tank was empty between parking my car outside the office and walking about 200m to give me the keys. If he's late "there was traffic", "he couldn't get a taxi" or "the taxi driver drove slow" or "didn't have change" - "get  up earlier" and "carry change" are alien concepts, it is always someone else's fault. He almost ran into the back of a car that braked - "that car braked!", "No Bassim, you were so close to him I could have picked the couscous out of his moustache"

He has lived in Tripoli all of his life, yet I seem to know how to get around better than him. Despite the number of times he's taken me to my customers, I still have to give my instructions as:

To go to BP: " Goto the office by the chinese people"

To go to Petrocanada. " Goto the office that isn't the one by the chinese people"

To go to Sonatrach "Goto the office we went to last week, and you got lost and went to the coffee shop and got directions" - although after today I might be able to call them "the office by the coffee shop"

Thankfully I can walk to Oxy's office.

I don't actually need a driver and prefer to drive myself, but we need him to ferry Dear around and if I'm using the car I think I should make him work a bit, otherwise he'll just sit around the office looking at his feet.

He has driven Dear to violence, she has hit him at least twice and you would be surprised, nae shocked, at how she speaks to him. She's not proud of it and she admits he really brings out the worst in her.  I recommend pouring her a drink, get one for yourself - make it a large one, get a comfy chair and ask her about him. It's comedy gold!

We're going to let him go at the end of this month, he is being particularly bad and lazy right now, Dear lost it yesterday and told him to not bother coming back today. Yet it doesn't seem to sink into his head. He is 31-32, lives with his mum & sister and has got a pretty easy job working for us, in a country with a high level of unemployment. The only reason we've not looked for another driver, apart from him being a nice enough guy, is that we can trust him and he really looks out for Dear if she's out shopping. He might be as lecherous as most Libyan men, but Allah help any man who would be be lecherous towards Dear, his sister or his mum! It's a shame to let him go, however once Dear leaves, I don't need him. If he was  keen or showed some initiative then maybe I'd keep him on, but if after two years I need to call him at 10am to see when he'll be at the office, then I think I can see how I can save 250GBP/month. Plus - touch wood - he's had alot more accidents in my car than I have....

Car-Nage

The Crossroads by my house - traffic lights not working and no police present

The horrendous driving in Libya is a constant source of amusing/horror stories. Every day I have to go across a junction (from left to right above) on the way to work. The traffic lights no longer work, which is a good thing as you're better off knowing that no one will stop than assuming they will stop because a light is red. There is always a police car parked up, maybe it hasn't got an engine. Sometimes the police get out and try to direct the traffic, on those days the jams are really bad.  GoogleEarth shows it at a typically chaotic moment, but this natural law does work and is better than the two controlled alternatives.

For true traffic fans it's at: Lat: 32°47'41.99"N , Long:  13° 1'24.32"E

Taking the Mickey

Insert Employer's Name Here ANNOUNCES THIRD QUARTER 2010 RESULTS

 October  2010  Employer's Name (NYSE: E.N) today reported that for the third quarter ended September 30, 2010 it earned net income of $404 million, 

So why can't we get have some money to buy printer cartridges ? I need to print a proposal out for a customer but no one in the office has ink.

A resourceful person would nip out to the shops, buy the ink and claim it on expenses.

They would then be an out of pocket person, because I'm still waiting to get June, July & August's expenses paid. So now Bank of Ed is open for deposits only.

Multi million dollar, multinational corporation or Mickey Mouse Club ?

T.E.A.M.

"Together Everyone Achieves More" say the motivational posters. Teamwork is essential for success and the loner is the loser.

I like to tell people that I'm a team player, although I make sure the sarcasm is impossible to miss. It's also fairly obvious from my favoured out of work activities that I prefer to do things on my own. Although if questioned in a job interview I would point out that I have raced as the runner in a team triathlon and that our victory was due to the combined efforts of all team members giving it their all. And it wasn't just because there were no other teams entered in our division.

At work I prefer to work alone then I don't have to rely on other people, wait for them or correct their mistakes. In sport I like to push myself, improve on my own performance and have the freedom to do what I want. If all else fails, I blame my dislike of team sports on my parents!

This week the boss decided that something needed to be done to try and boost the flagging morale of the workers in the office and in our warehouse. It's easy to knock his efforts but at least he is trying to address some of the issues we have here and I'm 100% for it, as long as I don't have to be actively involved.

My reaction had already been predicted by him and his co conspirator and my protestations that I was a "lone wolf", "an independent operator" or simply that "I hated that kind of sh*t" and was going to be "busy that afternoon" fell on deaf ears. The prospect of seeing me forced to participate in some crappy team event with a bunch of guys from the workshop who I never have the need to deal with or ever see was clearly too appealing to them. They had me cornered and on the ropes. But the best form of defence is attack, and inspired by a bottle of white wine, I came up with a plan  that was nothing short of genius. I wouldn't run from this challenge, I would embrace it in a big boozy hug and make it mine.

There will be a team building event, with randomly picked teams competing for a prize over a series of challenges that will involve a combination of speed, strength, logic, languages and of course teamwork. It will be held at a series of locations, culminating in a BBQ where everyone can socialise and me & Andy can get drunk. However this was my idea and I'm the only one who has experience of organising anything like this. I sold it to the boss by saying that organising something like this required as much team work as participating, but not to worry as I'd take charge. I'll knock up a proposal and budget this weekend, close the sale on Sunday and then work out ways to make my puppets dance for me. 

I'm actually looking forwards to it now, I just hope my boss isn't sat at home, rubbing his hands together and thinking "hook, line & sinker...."

Dogma

I've had two tough decisions to make this week:

1) My boss asked me if I'd like to be "Sales Manager". It's in quotes as I believe it wouldn't be an official job, recognised by HR, it's just a job title he'd give me, along with 80% of his  work load, a hell of a lot more responsibility and equal amounts of stress. In return, I might get my own office, but I'd get no more salary. Or I can keep on doing the boring job I do now, with next to no stress, for the same money. Whilst I admire his new found enthusiasm for trying to motivate his staff, I can't believe he'd think I'm that gullible. No wonder there's a mass exodus from the company right now.

2)The Dog. You've seen the pictures, it's a puppy. It's cute etc.... And I've wanted a dog for ages, but never had the right house for one. I didn't even have to go out and choose one, this one was delivered free to my door. But I've no idea where I'm going to be living in the next year. If it's Libya, the U.S or Australia then great I could keep the dog, if  it 's Balikpapan then I couldn't.  I don't want to be in the position where having a dog controls my job options or have to give it away in 6 months time when we've both become attached to each other. Better to let it go now so it can have a decent home with people who're a bit more settled.

Fortunately, we have an English couple coming today to take him. I wasn't going to let him go to a Muslim family, at least not Libyans, they have no idea how to treat animals. I guess ours was lucky to be dumped near to us, he got some food, a bath, a trip to the vets and a cuddly toy.  In return he's made me realise I want my own dog and that if I can have one at my next location I'll try to take one from a shelter. That'd give me 3-4 years before moving again and having to work out how to take it with me next time.

10 Reasons to Hate or Love Libya

10 Reasons why Libya is sh*t and to keep it balanced, 10 Reasons why Libya is great

The 10 Reasons Why Libya Is Sh*t

In no particular order and it was hard to find just 10 reasons.

1. The tempremental electricity supply. The last 3 Thursdays I've gone home early to work, as the power went off. Although this is like a long weekend and can't be considered a completely bad thing. But having to work from home 3 days this week is a bit much. And we're not even into winter yet, when 'rain gets into the cables'...
2. The complete lack of intelligence of the drivers. Inconsiderate, reckless, endangering themselves, their passengers (children sitting half in/out of the windows) and other road users. Overtaking on a hill on a blind corner ? That was a police car. Near misses are such a common occurence as to go unremarked upon. Arrogance and ignorance is a dangerous mix.
3. Dodgy Internet Access - I was trying to download a 1.GB file the other night at home. Nothing mucky, it was a cycling training film. Once the download started, the status rapidly changed from 1 hr remaining to 2 hours, to 3 hours. When I went to bed it was 22 days remaining. 8 hours later it had gone into warp speed and there were only 6 hours left. Still, tonight it's decided not to work at all and I'm writing this offline. Last winter we had no internet access for 3weeks. That starts to affect business and was close to causing a diplomatic incident as all the nearby embassies were affected.

4. 

   Behind the wall is a garbage dump

   Garbage – Everyone litters. Except the expats. I was out cycling in what passes for countryside  here (sand with no houses) and smelled the rotting garbage dumped in the middle of nowhere, before I saw it. In the same way that the smell of the Durian reminds me of the early morning markets in Jakarta that I'd stagger past on the way home from a bar, the smell of rotting garbage will always remind me of Libya.
5. Food – Tinned tuna, tomatoes and couscous. That's Libya's contribution to the culinary world. Yet I've been to the Souk and seen & smelled the spices, there are amazing fruit and veg stalls everywhere (except the broccoli is the size of a tennis ball and priced like depleted Uranium) they just can't cook. Unless you like Camel. Luckily, I eat thai food every day.
6. Lack of things to do – If you're a man and like to sit outside smoking a sheesha, or praying,  then you'll love Libya. If you like pubs, clubs, bars, sports, libraries, cinema, theatre then you might experience some disappointment. I don't know what the locals do. The expats make their own fun with clubs, societies and assorted socials. We bring our toys over here with us and we play. I know surfers, windsurfers, kite surfers, mountain bikers and road bikers, we all live for the weekends.
7. Police – Whenever there is a traffic jam at a junction it's because a feckless copper is attempting to control the traffic. Left to its own devices, the junction would just work. With alot of horn beeping and gesticulating, but with a whole lot less waiting. I was once in a jam for 25 minutes, the cause was a badly parked police van. A friend of mine was stopped as he came out of a shop and got into his car. While the police man attempted to lighten my friend's wallet for no good reason, cars were driving past him. On the pavement. Against the traffic.
8. In'shallah – Arabic for ' if God wills it", and used all the time in response to a question like "so you'll come and deliver my furniture tomorrow then?" , meaning "maybe it will be done", "I can't be bothered", "You'll be lucky son" or simply "tsk".
9. Sexism – Women are rarely seen. So uncommon is a sighting that when I see a burqa clad woman at the side of the road, I know I need to keep an eye on Bassim (my occasional driver) because his eye won't be on the road. All western women are whores though and as such welcome the constant attention from the hair gelled, preening local lotharios. Go into a women' clothes shop, or better yet, an underwear shop and it'll be a man serving. Mind you, if you think the Libyan men are bad at driving....
10. The airport/immigration – I think the airport was built in worldwar 2. If you manage to find a space outside in which to abandon your car, you can enter the terminal, put your bags through the machine that always beeps and continue uninterrupted to check in. If you're lucky you have a business class ticket or it's not the time when people are checking in with their entire family & all their personal belongings for a pilgrimmage to Mecca. Your passport will be checked about 7 times including a final sphincter tightening time at the door of the plane.  Flights out are fun, you can smell the relief - it's Gin. When coming back, expect to wait anywhere upto an hour at immigration while the immigration officer has a cigarette and a chat with his two mates by his counter. If it's near the end of his shift and he can't find the visa instantly in your passport, be prepared to sit on the Naughty Step until his relief rolls in 20 minutes late, has a cigarette and a chat with his mates before realising the other guy has dumped you on him. Despite this delay at immigration, your bags still won't have been unloaded. There are only 2 belts,  but the sign is in Arabic, so try and spot a guy with a beard and a veiled woman in black, off your flight and stand by them. They'll be standing by the "No Smoking" sign, having a cigarette. When the baggage belt either stops for no reason or more likely because someone's carpet has blocked it, stand back while locals take it upon themselves to climb under the rubber curtain, into the unloading bay to retrieve their bags. If you have the misfortune to arrive at the same time as a flight from Mecca, take a good thick book. You ain't going anywhere.

The 10 Reasons Why Libya Is Great

I struggled a bit with this.

1. Well the weather's nice, except when the wind comes off the desert in summer and it's like a blast furnace or in winter when it rains for 20 minutes and we get several feet of water flooding the roads
2. Petrol's cheap – about 5 pounds Sterling will fill my car. This is the place to drive a Hummer or a  Range Rover Sport.
3. Cheese bread - OK it's from a Turkish restaurant, but oven baked, flat bread filled with cheese deserves to be a food group in its own right.
4. The driving - I can drive as badly as I want, tailgate so close I can read the label on the other driver's underpants. I can pull out and block all the lanes, I can run a red light, speed, undertake on a highway, overtake at speedbumps, go the wrong way up a street because it's more convenient. I can tap a wing mirror here, scrape a bumper there. I can park wherever the hell I want, no matter what inconvenience it will cause to others. I can do all that and no one will care. Not even a traffic cop.
5. Shops – the shops are crap, I buy food. I go home. I save money.
6. Getting away with things – I'm going to hold a race on public roads with about 50 people running. I'm going to put 30 marshalls out at crossing points, some of whom will decide that having a Hi-Vis vest gives them the power to stop traffic. I'm not going to tell the police or whatever 'Socialist People's Committee' it'd be stopped by. There's no HSE, no insurance or litigation risks, we self police and use common sense (trained EMTS & nurses on site). You just couldn't do that in most countries....

7. 

   A Cyclist's Dream - Up or Down

   The cycling -There are some incredible roads and hills just 80km from here. New, smooth tarmac, super twisty corners and next to no traffic. On the odd occasion there's been a car, they've stayed behind us ( a first for a Libyan driver) giving us the whole width of the road on which to be nutters.
8. The people – For all the morons in cars, corrupt police, swaggering 'big men' and misguided misogynists. I'll remember: The farmer who pulled up alongside me on a long ride, on a very hot day when I'd run out of water and was in trouble. He pulled up alongside and handed me an ice cold bottle of water, on the move , Tour de France style.  There was a shopkeeper who looked after Eric in his house when the heat got too much for him, then gave us all water and wouldn't take our money. And there's Osama, the shopkeeper who has looked out for us on some of the dafter hill/heat combinations.
9. Freedom - Malta is 45 mins away, London is 3 hrs away.....

10. 

    Yay for The Leader

    The Leader – I think Colonel Gaddaffi is great. As are everyone in his spying network that feed the culture of paranoia and reporting to the police . Top work!